Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
