This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
