Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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