if you like me you must not know who I am
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize