so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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