The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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