She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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