Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
