im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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