It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
