what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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