Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
