I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
