I feel like abortions should bother me more
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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