i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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