Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had sex on a roof
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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