did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
