I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
