I hate all girls vehemently.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
