I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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