her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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