your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
