i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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