JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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