so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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