why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
