We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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