My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
