id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
