When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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