Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
