this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
