Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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