we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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