Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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