i may or may not be watching the land before time
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
