god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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