right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
