I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Found your dick twin last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
