just come out here and I will go home with you...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found your dick twin last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
