is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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