Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
