If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
