dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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