Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
