I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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