I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
