I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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