why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me they were just razor bumps!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
