I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
