we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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