watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
