Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
