chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We smell like vodka and hangover
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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