I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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