After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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