too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
