No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
