so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
