I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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