Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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