we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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