I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
