I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
