Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
PANTIES FOUND
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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