Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
