Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
