they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
