please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
