Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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