hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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