Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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