It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
