is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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