I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
