so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
