i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
