so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She needs sedatives and a leash
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
