My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
