there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
