hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
