life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
