i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
