Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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