oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
