New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
