soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
