My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
