so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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