Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
