Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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