...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize