The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
